Seven Season Rye
by akaeve
Summary: Being written for NFA challenge "Once upon a Fairy story", I am trying to include as many characters as possible.
1. Chapter 1

Gather round children, I would like to tell you a tale, of when the earth was young, younger than some of you. When Magic in the Water ruled, and harmonious things happened. But mark my words, there was badness, and only the wicked were banished to the outer reaches of the land. This was a place of Witches, Dwarfs, of innocents and bad animals. So snuggle in, and don't be scared. Let the story commence.

It had been a hellish morning. Grumpy had stood on Happy's foot and made her cry.

"What's the matter with you." he snapped at Sneezy.

"I hade this tibe of year," the salty tears streaming down his face, "I lob wider"

"Roughly translated means?" Grumpy questioned.

"His hay fever is playing up." Doc replied.

"Great, and so who was on vitals this week?"

"Vitals?" Dopey asked.

"Vitals, equals essentials. Who forgot the coffee?" Grumpy complained.

"Sleepy." Bashful replied.

"Hey Sleepy," Grumpy shouted, looking at the heap in the bed, "We gonna get any work out of you today? As I ain't watching your six down the mine."

"Mmmmmmmmm" Sleepy announced, turning over.

"Ok, he doesn't get paid. But if anyone wants to drag his body to the pit, they are very welcome. I'm going to work." as he stormed out the room and into the yard.

"Done it now Sleepy," Dopey said, "Better get you up."

"Now that is the best offer I have had all morning," Sleepy replied jumping up and pulling the covers back, "Jump in." as Happy and Dopey threw a pillow at him, and turned to find Grumpy.

-oOo-

The day had started badly for Snow White.

"You not tidied your room, you pesky little child." her stepmother had shouted.

"I have."

"Well do it again. And when you're done you can start on the kitchen."

Snow White just sat in her room and cried. What was it Rapunzel had done, oh yes let her hair grow, no she had added some extensions, and some prince had climbed up her hair and saved her. Bet that hurt. The hair, not the Prince. No she would run away. She couldn't wait that long, for her hair to grow. So she packed a bag, and waited until the old witch was having a nap, and sneaked out the door. But where was she to go. She had heard of a place in the woods, where all lost children went. She would go there.

oOOo

So Snow White let herself out the back door. She didn't look back, but headed for the coach station. She wondered which way to go. There was a wonderful golden coach but it looked full, so she walked on up the platform until she saw an empty vehicle.

"Where are you going." she asked the driver.

"Never, neverland" he replied.

"Is it nice there?" she enquired, "As I was thinking more of the country, you know fields, and trees and birds singing."

"In that case," the driver replied, "You want the stage-coach, it goes that way." now pointing over the platform.

Snow White thanked the guy, because she was a polite child, children, and as you know a friend in need is a friend indeed, and you never know when a little politeness might help you. That and giving a thank you present to people.

So she made her way over to the coach. And got on. She was the only one aboard. She wasn't worried, she had her thoughts and she watched the scenery. Her thoughts were broken by the drivers voice.

"End of the line Snow White. Hope you find happiness here."

She got off the bus.

"Take care and watch out for grandma." he shouted after her.

Funny she thought, why grandma….

"So where is Sleepy?" Grumpy shouted at Happy and Dopey, "Gonna call you Dippy , if you're not careful Dopey."

"Sleepy said he would work twice as hard at the weekend but he was having a day off." she replied.

"He knows that's not how we work, so unless he appears prompto…..he's…."

"It's ok Grumpy, I decided that I was better off in this pit, than my pit…if you get my drift." Sleepy replied stumbling into the hole in the ground.

"Good," Doc replied, "Now we are all here, we can maybe start some work." as he turned and followed Sleepy into the mine.

-oOo-

Snow White skipped thro' the woods. She talked to the animals, and to the trees, to the flowers and the bees, well something had to rhyme with trees, children, until she saw the village in the valley. It looked beautiful. Yes she thought I'll go and see if I can find work there, as she skipped her way into the village.

"Can I help you?" a voice asked.

"Hello, who are you because I was told not to talk to strangers." as she zipped her mouth shut.

"I am the Sharif." the stranger replied.

"A Sharif, of where?" Snow White enquired.

"The Sharif of Washing done, or not-ting' done." the man now answered, "But who are you and what are you doing here?"

"I am Snow White and I am looking for my friend, she said I could stay with them for a while." Snow White lied, not wanting taken to social services and sent home.

"Does your friend have a name?" the Sharif asked.

"The Doctor." Snow White replied, thinking on her feet, well she was standing.

"Dr Who?" Sharif asked.

"Yes, that's him." Snow White smiled

"Well in that case it's the cottage over there." pointing through the clearing, "Just be careful of Grandma."

"Thank you." Snow White replied. Well she was a polite child, and skipped along, passed the police box and on towards the cottage. She wondered about grandma.

She stood in front of the cottage. The door was open slightly as if someone had hurriedly left and forgot to lock. She gingerly advanced and opened the door.

"Hello…hello." she whispered and opened the door further.

As she stepped in side she saw the table and the tiny chairs. A small jacket lay flung where the owner had left climbed the stairs and saw the two rooms, the smaller had a double bed, but the other had five little beds. The double bed had girly things scattered about. The other, boys.

"Oh tweeeee." Snow White squealed, "A home with children." and they didn't look like they had parents. The place needed cleaned. She busied herself cleaning the house, washing the dirty clothes and ironing the one she found crumpled in a heap. Thumper and Bambi came in as did, some of the birds, they ate the crumbs and bugs. Snow White sang as she cleaned. As she looked about at her work she realised it would almost be dinner time, well tea time and she saw nothing for the children to eat, so she decided she'd better cook a meal. But when she looked in the cupboards they were bare.

"Oh, there is nothing to eat, so I'd better go into town and see if I can get some food," she said to the animals, "Just as well I emptied my piggybank before I left.

Snow White. walked down the hill into the village. She passed a B+B it he shape of a shoe, there were lots of children playing outside. As she passed the bakers shop, noticing it was made out of gingerbread, she noticed the yellow ribbon round the building. The Sharif was standing outside. Snow White walked on and into the health store.

"Hello," the assistant said, "You're new in town."

"Yes." Snow White replied.

"Have you met the Sharif yet?"

"I did and he seemed quite nice. I see he is outside the bakers. What happened?" she asked as she placed the goods in her bag.

"Oh two children disappeared. Ari and Caitlin, they had run an errand for grandma, or as they say in Scotland, run a message. They had gone inside but were never seen again." the assistant replied.

"Oh that is terrible," as Snow White shivered, "I will be careful then." as she waved goodbye and left the shop.

"You do that, but beware of grandma." the assistant now shouted after her.

Snow White walked back up the hill to the cottage.

-oOo-

The team finished their shift, and made their way home. Sneezey sneezed all the way home. Doc said he would make up a tonic for him. Sleepy had dosed off on his pick, and the girls had annoyed Bashful, with their teasing. Grumpy, was just well grumpy.

As they walked along the lane, Grumpy spotted the smoke, and then the smell of cooking. He instinctively dropped to the ground and thought about louping a stick of dynamite into the cottage. But then remembered it was their home.

As the Dwarfs listened, and the smell of game pie wafted through the air, their tummies began to rumble. Food was better than fighting, but Grumpy wondered if it was grandma.

They followed Doc to the door. He opened it wide. There they saw this girl, she was singing to herself. The table had been set, napkins folded and the smell of game pie inviting. Grumpy coughed, and Sneezey sneezed, Snow White turned and squealed, "MUNCHKINS"

"We are nothing of the sort," Grumpy shouted, "We are Dwarfs."

"No Grumpy, we are vertically challenged people." Doc retorted, giving him the Paddington Bear stare.

You must remember children that this is a politically correct world, and you can't go around insulting people, even if they are shorter than you.

"Whatever," Snow White replied, now looking at the Dwarfs, "Do you have names or can I guess?" clapping her hand together.

"Oh brother" Dopey replied.

"So let me think," as Sneezey sneezed. "Sneezey, and you," looking at Grumpy, must be grumpy. Bashful turned a pale red and Snow White looked his direction. He twirled his hands and turned away, not looking at her. "Bashful." she whispered, blowing him a kiss.

"Ah MyGee, that was too easy," he blushed.

"Now who do we have here," looking at the girls, Happy was smiling.

"Happy?" Snow White asked.

"Yes thank very much," snored Sleepy from beside the fire, their guest had made.

"Yes, and that if you haven't gathered that is Sleepy." Happy replied looking at Sleepy.

"So who are you?" Snow White asked looking at Dopey.

"That," Grumpy relied, "Is Dopey, because she keeps mixing her words up and saying things wrong."

"And I, my dear," Doc now butted in, "Am Doc. I try to keep them together. But we still don't know who you are, and what you are doing here?"

"Oh I am so sorry, I'm Snow White, and I have run away from home. I hope you don't mind but the place was a tip, and I just thought it needed tidied. I thought you were children without a mother and father. I have made dinner. Game pie."

"No, not Bambi and Thumper." Happy wailed.

"No TVP. Textured vegetable protein, and plenty of I used stock cubes."

"Not peas," Grumpy replied, "I hate peas."

"There, there," Snow White now replied, patting his head, "You can have extra dessert. It's apple sponge, aka Eve's pudding."

"Yuk." Grumpy grumbled, folding his arms and going in the huff.

"Well I would like to say thank you, and maybe over dinner, and a glass or two of elderberry wine, you can maybe tell us your life story. Why you are here and what you intend to do?" Doc now enquired. As he headed for the table.

"'Scussy," Snow White questioned, "Hands, have you washed them?"

"She's gonna be trouble," Grumpy grumbled as he headed for the sink.

-oOo-

"So my dear," Doc questioned sipping the elderberry wine, and looking at Snow White, while Happy and Dopey washed up. Sleepy was dosing by the fire. Bashful sat all gooey eyed at Snow White, while Sneezey sniffled. "Your wicked stepmother, we seem to have a lot of them round here, them and grandma."

"So where are you intending to stay?" Grumpy gruffly asked, sitting with his arms folded.

"Oh I thought maybe that B+B down the road. The one that looks like a shoe." she replied.

"I wouldn't" Sleepy announced, "She's got all those children, and the husband not been seen since he climbed the bean stalk. She's got the family allowance anyway." as he went back to sleeping.

"You could always share with us." Happy and Dopey said together, "I mean we have the double bed. You could be piggy in the middle." Happy continued.

"Heh talking about piggies, did you hear about the three pigs down the street. A big bad wolf came and coughed and sneezed and blew two of their houses down. He then wandered off to Grandma's. Scared the sh….."

"Yes Sneezy we get the picture." Doc replied, "But maybe you would like to stay here. I'm sure you could do wonders for the cottage, the cooking, and the way Bashful is looking doe eyed at you, you have a friend for life. Also Sneezy needs a medicine. What if I ask grumpy here to make you a bunk above the girls, a futon style. What would you say to that my dear?"

"If I'm not too much trouble, that would be nice." Snow White now answered, "I won't annoy you too much Grumpy, honest."

"Humph," he replied folding his arms again.

Now children I suppose you are wondering of the wicked stepmother. And I will endeavour to return to the old hag.

Snow White's stepmother woke from her slumbers, and went in search of Snow White.

She couldn't find her. Not the first time she had disappeared with her friends. So she went for a bath and to wash her hair. She returned to her boudoir, and looked in the mirror.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall who IS the fairest of them all?" she enquired.

"Well." the mirror answered, "There is Goldilocks. And little red riding hood, but if you are asking fair, as in beauty, then I have to say Snow White."

"Ooooo". As the wicked stepmom, hit the glass."Hey that hurt you old witch.""No-one calls me an old witch, and gets away with it." She replied thumping the reflection."Done it now lady," the mirror replied, "7 years bad luck for assault." as the mercury collected itself into a pool and slithered off."Where you going?" the witch questioned."Heard, Harry Potter doing auditions, for the "Mirror of Erised. Thought, I'd try my luck, since you ain't got any.""Ooooooooooo" the hag shouted.

"Squawk. Hrak" She turned to see the rook.

"Hiyvoron, how are you? How are things in the Ukraine?" She asked, "You could do me a favour?" she now added.

"Run it by me, and I'll see if I can help." The rook replied, laying back against the window frame.

"Snow White, I think she's run away, need you to find her. Give me a bell if you do." As the rook flew off, into the air, and towards the woods.

-oOo-

So this was how things continued children, Snow White keeping house for the Dwarfs, cooking, cleaning and mending their torn clothes. She talked to the animals. Grumpy he was true to his word and began to make a bed for Snow White. And so it was one weekend, he heard this noise.

"Rivit, rivet."

He looked down at the noise and saw this huge frog.

"Look la Grenouille, I know where to stick the rivet into the wood. But go the way you're going and I'll rivet you." now thinking frogs legs cooked in garlic sauce.

"No please I'm really a handsome prince, turned into this form by my wicked stepfather."

"Hey, you got one of those as well?" he replied, "Maybe you should see Snow White, she cured Sneezy's hay fever, and found out that Sleepy has a reaction to some foods, that's what makes him tired all the time. She has also found I'm Grumpy, because of some "E's" and so we are cutting them out, and cutting down on coffee."

"Do you think she could help me?" the frog asked.

"Sure, but what does she have to do?" Grumpy now enquired.

"She needs to kiss me." The frog replied.

They went to find Snow White.

"No. No. No." she shouted stamping her foot, "I will not kiss some pesky amphibian."

"But my dear, if he were to turn into a handsome prince." Doc questioned.

"Yuk, see the warts." As she turned and stormed off.

"Sorry old boy, we'll need to get some other way for you to kiss her." Doc now replied, looking down at the frog.

-oOo-

Now children, we must return to the witch and to see if the rook or hiyvoron had returned with information. You will have learnt that Hiyvoron is the Ukrainian for rook, have you not, because you are really not very bright if you don't. Also Hrak is another name for it.

"Hrak," it squawked, "Sorry getting a sore throat with all that crowing. But yes, I have found out where Snow White is shacking up. Sorry bedding down, sorry staying. Heck ma'am, I'm a rook, Kruk my cousin, the Ukranian raven, although he sometimes gets called Vron…."

"Look, not the first time I cooked 24 black birds in a pie, gonna get on with it." Mallyali asked.

"Hey, ok, don't get your knickers in a twist. She's staying with seven dwarfs over in the secret valley. Yeh, yeh, I know…"

"Tell me, what has, Kruk got to say, and to say, in Scandinavian, kort the story."

"Hey ma'am, you cool dood, how you know all this lingo."

_Kort, children, is the Scandinavian for short, but of course being bright young things, you knew this._

"Wow, Ok," the rook replied, "SW as she's now calling herself, she's talking with the birds, something called twitter, and man, is she one suffragette."

"I do not understand?" wicked mom replied.

"Come on, she's suffered…she's become an independent girl. I don't know, she's becoming the WRI of the Cotswolds. She's becoming a right little good girl. Hey she's even started a health class." the rook answered back.

"Yuk, you know what this is going to do for the world. For story writers, for the scriptwriters, who love death. I think we need to plan something." the witch announced.

"Fair enough, if you need a hand just call," as the bird flew off.

"Right," said the wicked step mom, "What could Snow White never ever refuse? Got it, fudge candy," turning and heading for the kitchen, "So much for her healthy regime." She smiled to herself.

-oOo-

Now children you may have been wondering what Snow White had been up to in the valley. Well, she had organised a play group for the lady who had the B+B, and got interested in veterinary care for the animals. She had particularly helped the three blind mice who had had their tails docked by the farmer's wife. She had got Grumpy to make little hip braces and using some twine had made tails for the mice. At least they didn't look like hamsters anymore. And she had taught them how to climb the clock-tower in the village, without falling down.

She had wanted to start an organic farm, but had been persuaded not too. In fact, she just got on looking after the Dwarfs. The summer passed and the fields needed harvested, the grain thrashed (ouch it cried). The rye, Grumpy took to make some illicit whiskey. The oats, Doc took to make porridge oats for everyone, so that left the wheat for bread and cakes. The orchards were picked of their fruits, and either bottled or jammed (ouch) into jars. It had been a good summer and so the villagers had decided to hold a harvest festival. They put up banns, and invited strangers. And so it came to pass children, the wicked stepmom heard of the fun. She packed some goodies and went with her sister, to the village.

The village was jumping, it was nice autumnal weather. Snow White had made friends with another runaway, by the name of Goldi Lockes. Yes, another lost child. Only, what had happened on that summer morning, still had the villagers talking.

Goldi, had arrived cold and wet one summer morning. She had wandered through the forbidden forest and been chased by a wolf. "Hey blondie, I wanted you to meet my niece, Little Red Riding Hood." The wolf had shouted. She had sought sanctuary in the cottage she had found. Because she had travelled overnight, and was tired, she smelt the oaty porridge. She was hungry, "Just a little taste," she muttered. The first too sweet, "Yuk, who puts sugar, in porridge?" The second was too cold, and had a skin on the top, "well that looks like you could sole a shoe with." She said. The third was just right and she sat and ate it all up. And then went to sleep in one of the beds.

The bear family had arrived home from their morning jog, with Snow White. They were all doing a 13k for charity. Snow White's, animal welfare trust. They had made their breakfast early so it would be fine to eat when they returned, only what they found was not so good.

Snow White had persuaded the bears, not to chase Goldi, but to take her in as an au pair. That way, baby bear would be looked after while mother went out to work. So this was how Goldi Lockes became part of the village.

But children I digress, and need to return to the fete, or should that be fate of Snow White.

"So what are supposed to do at this fete?" Grumpy grumpily asked, because unknown to Snow White he had found some orange juice and had drunk, too many E's.

"Well I thought you could maybe manage the beer tent with Happy. I know she loves mixing all those lovely drinks and colours. And you Doc I wondered if you could man the 1st Aid tent with Sneezy," now looking at Sneezy who had stopped sneezing but then the hay had started him again, "Well maybe not, Sleepy do you think you could stay awake long enough to help? Dopey, I thought the tombola, and Bashful how would you like to be the one the girls kiss for a coin?"

"Ah gee, Snowy, could I?" he asked reddening and going all gooey.

"Right that's settled then. Now what have we got to take for the stalls?"

"How should I know you have it all planned." Grumpy grumped.

"Now Grumpy, no tantrums. I thought you had some wooden toys ready, and what have you done with the frog. I hate it when I can't see him. No, take that back, I love _not,_ seeing him. It's the warts."

"Rivit, rivet," la Grenouille riveted jumping up and down, "I mean this is so riveting. I love fetes."

"Oh brother." Dopey whispered.

"I will honestly get rid of you frog, but thought you might just keep the flies at bay round the food." Snow White said.

"Are we ready then, as she looked at her troops. They nodded, Grumpy and Dopey saluted, Sneezy sneezed. Snow White opened the door and they trooped out.

"Hi ho, Hi ho, "Happy sang, "Off to the fete we go." skipping away in front.

"Oh brother." Dopey muttered, as she watched Happy pick the frog up, and place in her pocket.

So off they trooped to the fete in the village. The village green had been turned into a huge fair ground. Large colourful marques scattered the green grass. A totem pole had been erected and had ribbons hanging from it. The children from the B+B were dancing round and round. Snow White saw Goldie and went to see what she was doing.

"I am doing the bring and buy, remember. What did you bring?" as she watched Snow White produce jams and bottles of pickles from her bag, "Have to say there are a couple of strange women over there. One is selling candy and the other handicrafts, you know earrings and things. Some of the stuff looks good, but I'm not sure about them. Definitely strangers." Goldie offered.

"I'll get Sharif to suss." Snow White replied, as she watched a mother and child approach, with a basket of cakes.

"Now, Sarah." The child's mother said, handing the basket to Goldie.

"Not," as Sarah stamped her foot and folded he arms, "Little Red Riding Hood."

"Sorry, she just so loves her jacket, and since she has had this scare with the wolf… we are trying to get her counselling. She keeps going on about grandma and then bursting into tears." Sarah's mom answered.

"Snow White here, is very good at alternative therapies," Goldie replied, "She cured Sneezy's sneezing and Sleepy's sleep."

"But she won't kiss me." A voice from behind said. They looked down and saw the frog.

"Want mommy," Sarah shouted, as she made a grab for the frog, who seeing the look in Sarah's face hopped off to the duck pond, where it proceeded to sit on a huge water-lily, croaking.

"Man, are you ugly," he heard a voice shout. He turned to see a scruffy duck treading water beside him.

"Hey you can talk," the frog retorted, "I'm really a handsome Prince, turned into this shell of a creature by my wicked step-father. What's your excuse?"

"Me, I'm a mallard duck, I'm moulting right now, but come the spring I'll be beautiful colours. Which looking at you, green is sooooooo not you, and the warts. Ever thought, of having them frozen off."

"Great mally, thanks for the encouragement. I'm just sooo fed up with this, and as for Happy over there, I think she should get something bigger than me, know of any hippos?"

"What you mean" mally asked, swimming round the leaf.

"She keeps squeezing me and making me croak. And as for Grumpy, he looks at me and licks his lips. I saw he had some garlic butter hidden." The frog now replied.

They stopped talking long enough to see a small child come towards them crying, poking' his nose. And without being, nasty I said poking not picking, so settle down in the back there, and stop the smirking.

"Hey son," the duck asked, "What's the matter? Looks like you got some real nasal problem there." listening to the snuffling.

"Look buster, I'm crying, that's why my nose is all bunged up, you want to be duck a l'orange." the boy shouted.

"Son, you got a name, because your nose is so big due to you crying and snuffling, I think I'll call you Hooter." the duck replied.

"Pinocchio," the boy replied.

"Ahh," said the duck, "Pino, a variant of Joseph, and ch'io meaning pretty."

"Nah mally… Pino as in thorny, Espiona or even Pine tree." Frog replied.

"Ok, we'll settle for a pretty pine tree. But yes son you are definitely wooden." the duck swam away laughing.

The boy turned and went to find someone who could possibly help, or else the gun club to shoot the duck pond up. He was definitely part of the American Militia.

"You think we have a problem?" the frog asked.

"Don't know." as the duck dived for cover.


	2. Chapter 2

"So Snow White, what you think?" Goldie asked, holding up the long earrings.

"Nice, but I think this hair clasp is prettier. I don't know, it will soon be Christmas, do they celebrate it here I wonder." Snow White replied.

"Probably, we'll get some presents anyway. But have you seen the sweets over there." Goldie pointed over to where the old hag was selling sweetmeats.

"Oh just look at that fudge candy," Snow White said, "It reminds me of when dad and I used to make. I must get some."

As Snow White made her way over to the stall, she thought she saw an old face hide. No she thought I'm getting paranoid.

"Sweetmeats, my dear?" Fudge candy? Tablet, and rock?" as the woman indicated to the table.

"Oh I was looking at the fudge, it looks so soft." Snow White replied.

"It is my dear. Here try a piece before you buy." As she brought a plate from below the table and offered Snow White a piece.

As she placed it in her mouth it seemed to melt.

"Mmmm gorgeous," she muttered, "Goldie try this."

"No, try this one sand see what you think." The woman offered, "If you both like, then you can buy and share."

The two girls tried the fudge, and bought some of the bagged goodies. Snow White yawned.

"Sorry must be all this fresh air and the excitement." She offered, stifling a yawn, "Still need to round the troops up and see how we are doing. Get them home. Oh I am so tired."

The team made their way home. It had been a good day. The takings would be split between the local charities and some left over for big Christmas dinner for all to enjoy. There was word that the Dwarfs were going to help the Sharif, who was going to be Santa.

"This is stupid," Grumpy had grumped, "I mean we're Dwarfs not Elves."

"If it makes the chidren happy, then we will do." Doc had replied, "Are you well my dear?" he now asked of Snow White. "You have now gone decidedly pale."

"I am just tired and so if you don't mind, I will retire." As she stretched, and yawned, and made her way to her bed.

"I'm worried," Doc said, "She has not been herself since eating that fudge."

Later that night when Happy and Dopey had made their way up to bed, they thought Snow White was sleeping quieter than usual. Happy leant over to touch her skin. The scream brought the boys hurrying to the room.

"She's dead, Snow White is dead." Happy wailed, turnrd and sobbed into Grumpy's shoulder.

Doc leant over and listened.

"Mirror?" he asked of the others.

"It went to join Harry Potter remember." Dopey replied, "But I have my own." handing Doc her compact.

Doc opened and placed it over Snow Whites nose. A very slight moisture appeared.

"She's not dead. But she appears to be in a coma. I think we need to get the Sharif."

They didn't know what to do. There was an eerie silence throughout the forest. The animals and birds seemed to have heard and lost the urge to sing, whistle, anything.

"Perhaps we should get Grandma," Sneezy offered.

"Like no way," Happy and Dopey said in unison, "Last time we saw Grandma, she was definitely needing to do something with her dentures and she had hairs on her chinny chin chin."

"Well we need to do something." Doc replied.

So as Snow White lay in her bed, Sharif said to Grumpy, "Same thing happened a few years back, over in the next valley. Some Princess pricked her finger and slept for ages. She was only woken by a kiss from a Prince."

"Well I don't believe in coincidences." Grumpy grumped.

"I'll kiss her." froggy replied, jumping up and down.

"And what good will that do?" Doc asked.

"None for you lot, but will do plenty for my ego."

_Now children you must realise this is the 21__st__ century and to kiss something you don't like, is like kissing your great grandmother or aged aunt, if you have one, but you will definitely go to heaven if you do._

"If I kiss her and she wakes up then you know I'm a real prince, and then I'll return to being human too."

"I'll kiss you froggy." Happy squealed making a play for the creature.

"No, I don't fancy you." he replied.

"Well I think we need to try every possibility," Doc replied, "Even if it fails."

"Oh goody," squealed the frog, but only because, Grumpy had pulled his leg.

"What? I was only picking him up." He replied as Happy snatched the frog from Grumpy, and kissed its head. The frog licked Happy's face with its long tongue.

She bent over the bed and let froggy kiss Snow White.

They waited, and watched as Snow White took a deep breath, spluttered and stretched.


	3. Chapter 3

They waited, and watched as Snow White took a deep breath, spluttered and stretched, and looked at the sky. Turning she saw Happy holding the frog. Sitting up she said, "Oh no, tell me no, not La Grenouille, please."

"'Fraid so," Happy replied, "Sorry but….ohhh." as she dropped the frog. It was growing. The frog got bigger and bigger, and then as everyone watched in horror, the frog exploded. Bits of skin flew round the room.

"Wow," as Happy wiped a wart from her face.

As Snow White sat up, she watched as the frog transformed into a handsome Prince. He stood before them, "Ta darlin'" he now said in a cockney accent, "But I'm a Queen really, yes I'm as bent as a $9.00 note. Still we both got what we wanted. I got my life back and you woke up, so darlin' ta." As he now turned and looked at the Dwarfs, "Sorry Happy but life goes on."

"Where are you going to stay?" Grumpy now asked, realising they had spent time with a queer frog, he always thought there was something strange about him.

"Well can't very well stay here now can I, so thought I'd go and stop with grandma, she's an old woman and needs help. So if you don't mind I'll go there."

And so children, it came to pass, the season changed and life went on. The prince or the queen, went to stay with grandma. He didn't visit, but the old village shoppe did a roaring trade in razors, shampoo, and smelly toiletries. As the spring, sprang into life, and the flowers began to bloom, and Snow White began to get her strength back. They decided it would be good to have a spring fete, only this time no candy stalls, no strange people, just the villagers.

_Only, as you know children the __"The best laid plans of mice and men often fo awry." As Doc would say, in his best Rabbie Burns voice.  
_

The Magi had passed through the village but finding no new borns had moved on. The Hollis and the ivy, they had remained together, and so everyone went about their business and the fete began to take shape. It was one morning in April and Sneezy came sneezing into the cottage, yes his hay fever had started again.

"Bess wod, der is a dig tenb od da gween."

"Now Sneezy, try again. Quess what?" Snow White started. "There is a big tent on the green?"

"Dob id in ond" Sneezy replied.

"I think he said got it in one." Dopey answered.

"Well I think we should go and see what this is all about, don't you?" Doc now questioned.

They arrived on the green to find a huge caravan, well a few tents and a couple of Winnebagos.

_I said Winnebagos, not Win a bagel, you at the back, please pay attention when I am narrating the story, and no, you may not go to the loo._

"Wow, this is so cool," the donkey shouted, "And there was me wondering if we were almost there yet." Now jumping up and down

"We are not cool, it is 75F and you….."

"Hey Blondie don't get your knickers in a twist." the animal now replied, looking at Goldie, "So what we got here?" now turning and looking at the Sharif.

"I am the local LEO, and you are who?" now looking at the donkey.

"Wow man, a Leo, I'm a Virgo myself, but was looking for an Arian." The donkey now answered, getting a slap on the rump.

"My friend is somewhat unsure of the customs of this land, and you must forgive him." The stranger now replied.

In his rumpled silk skinned suit, his name was Ax' Minster, and he had a high velocity Persian Rug. He was a cool dude, who hung out, until someone mentioned his thingy was on show, with Eli Bad-dadio out of the city of Zanjan, in the old country of Persia. He had come over for the party, and brought his trusty 40 followers. He brought offerings of peace, Turkish delight, _ok children he bought in Turkey on his way from Persia,_ but that, and a lamp, well a couple of lamps, _well it gets dark at night._ They had travelled far, and were looking for somewhere to stay. The B+B full.

Someone had said try grandmas, but then again. No, they had decided to camp on the green.

The frog prince watched from the sidelines. He looked at the tall Mediterranean man, who had caught his eye.

_Well children it was a glass one, and he had flicked it out while eating ice cream, with a spoon. So let that be a warning, don't play with your food and watch how you are eating._

So Ax' wandered over and duly returned, "Your eye?"

"Aye, my eye," froggy now answered, looking at the stranger.

"Was wondering if you fancied a ride on my purr-shien-flying machine? Ax' now asked, holding his hand out to froggy.

"What you say, beauty and the beast?" the donkey now remarked, looking at Goldie.

"Pardon?" she asked.

"Couple of book-ends." Donkey replied, "Risky, definitely risque." Watching the two, walk away.

"Hey you, yes you with the pointed ears, you got permits to park here?" the Sharif questioned, looking at the donkey.

"We gave them to grandma, well she is the oldest resident in the village and she said, she'd eat me if I didn't." donkey now replied, hanging his head.


	4. Chapter 4

As the Dwarfs, wandered round the green, meeting the strangers and telling them of life in the village. Sleepy in his usual sleepy way picked up one of the lamps and seeing a splodge, a fingerprint, rubbed the lamp with his sleeve. To everyone amazement and shock a pink mist began to float out of the spout and form into a figure.

"Wow, Barbie." Happy squealed.

"I am not Barbie. I am Jeanne of the lamp, and I will grant you three wishes. But then again I may not." Jeanne replied.

"May I have just one wish?" Snow White enquired, "It's not for me it's for grandma."

"Grandma?" everyone shouted, "Why her?"

_Well children if you have not already gathered, everyone was scared of grandma. It wasn't her fault, that she suffered from __hirsutism. This as you know causes an increased hair growth. But over the years she had grown upset and people had thought she was a wolf. She never went out in company always alone. The frog and Snow White had tried to help. But now here, could be the cure._

"Grandma wants to be normal. She wants to join in the village life again. So please can you wish her hormones to go back to normal, please." Snow White asked closing her eyes and crossing her fingers.

"Okay, but just this once." As she waved her hand and blew some pink mist in the direction of grandma's house, "Now I'm tired and need to lie down, so please excuse me." As she swirled her way back into the lamp.

So later that evening, when everyone was either, dancing round the green, or visiting grandma. Now she wasn't so hairy, and a pleasure to see, she had visitors again.

Grumpy and Snow White were settled in the cottage, sipping rye and munching on cheese and crackers.

"So Snowie, been some year." As Grumpy looked into the flames.

"Don't know what I would have done without you guys." She replied.

"So what now?" Grumpy asked.

"Goldie's got a 5yr plan, and I think I might take a year out. We thought Scotland, Paris and the Med. They say that Alexander the Great's sister was turned into a mermaid when she died, she was called Thessalonike, believe there is a place named after her. If we went there, maybe see, the little mermaid, or swim with dolphins. Also we hear Tenerife has an active volcano."

"Hear there is a little mermaid in Copenhagen. They do a good lager there." Grumpy added smiling.

"Why not come with us Grumpy. Do you good to get away." Snow White now asked turning to face the Dwarf.

"Snow White, we are all part of a story. I can't leave, but I wish you all the best."

So this children, was how Goldie and Snow White left the village. The summer turned to autumn. The Dwarfs fought and argued, they missed the tidiness of the cottage. That, and the good food. Grandma did drop in and mended their clothes and cooked big dinners, but it wasn't the same. They loved the laughter and the smiles after a long day working. But…..as all good fairy stories go, there is always a happy ending.

And so it was, that Grumpy was out walking in the wood, when he heard a crying sound from behind a tree. He walked over and peered round the tree. He saw this girl crying, she was holding the most beautiful silver and black stiletto shoe, the heel encrusted with rhinestones, or were they diamonds? But the heel seemed broken.

"Hello," Grumpy said gently, "You ok?"

"No, yes, no, I was running away from my abusive husband. He was supposed to be a nice kind Prince, but he hit me. So I ran away. I only have these shoes left. The horses escaped, and my dresses all turned to rags. And then to crown it all my heel fell off. I don't suppose you could help mend it." She now asked.

As Grumpy helped the girl to her feet, he saw that she too was vertically challenged. He looked into her brown eyes.

"Do you have a name?" He enquired.

"They called me cinders, because I was always covered in soot and grime. My wicked stepmother…."

"Hey you got one too?" he laughed.

"Yes, why?" she replied.

"Nothing," Grumpy replied, "Name?"

"I think it was Eve, because it was always eventually, she'll do it. Eventually she'll get it right. Even if she does get it right I'll find a reason to make it wrong. Eveidently she is nothing but an event gone wrong. I had two step-sisters you see, they were always right."

"I could fix your shoe for you." Grumpy said looking into her face.

"Could you?" she replied, "But how do I replay?" smiling into his blue eyes,

"You cook?" he asked.

"Yes, and sew and keep house." The girl answered.

"Fancy coming home, and meeting the team then?" as Grumpy offered the girl his hand.

"That would be lovely." She replied taking his hand.

And as all good fairy story ends, they walked into the sunset. Well Grumpy walked, the girl she hobbled, she hadn't taken off the other shoe.

The End.


End file.
